The One

“You know when you know.”

My mom told me that once when I asked her how you can tell if the guy you are dating is “the one”.  At the time, I was a foolish, lovesick 19-year-old, smitten by just one in what would end up being a very long line of “Mr. Rights” (Mr. Right Now, perhaps?).  Those days I was self-absorbed and clueless, with my head in the clouds, enamored more by the idea of falling in love than in actually loving someone other than myself.  I had no clue what it meant to truly give your heart to someone, nor did I fully grasp my own self-worth and what I deserved in return.4409235798_bca675126c_b

Now here I am, 50-ish, divorced, with a long, rocky road of past relationships behind me.  There is no “special guy” in my sites right now, nor am I looking for one.  Am I giving up on men?  Far from it.  Men intrigue me.  I raised two of my own.  I work with all men.  Some of my best friends are men!  I love everything about them, love spending time with them, love meeting new men and learning what makes them tick.  I just love men!  But I am just not in a spot right now where I feel like I want to actively search for someone just for the sake of entering into a relationship.  Maybe that sounds jaded…I really am trying not to be.  But I have been through the mill, have had my share of heartbreaks.  I’ve been with some amazing guys who I spent years and years with, only to find out they were liars and cheaters after investing all of my time – and my heart.  That kind of investment you don’t get a return on, sadly.  So, needless to say, I am holding on tightly to my “bank account” these days.

My mom still holds out hope that someday I will find “the one”.  Her dream is for me to meet a nice Jewish doctor (we aren’t Jewish, so don’t ask me why she wants this for me, but it’s her dream, so like a good daughter, I don’t question).  I’d be just as content curling up with a good book and a box of Double Stuff Oreos.

You know when you know!

Peace, Love and Oreos!!!! ❤

Currently Listening To:

Rufus & Chaka Khan “Sweet Thing”

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A Little Pick Me Up

I’m working on a particularly heart-wrenching scene at the moment.  It’s an argument between two people who are coming to the end of their relationship, and even though neither of them wants to admit out loud it’s the end, they know.  This is a tough one for me to write because this particular moment – and the dialogue – is semi-autobiographical.  The scene is thick with stinging discomfort and deep-rooted memories of a time I’d rather not stir up in my memory banks.  But…I’m a writer!  If I have to dig up some raw emotions in order to communicate my story, so be it.

As always, I’ve got my music blasting in order to keep my sanity in check and my depression at bay.  Nothing like a little Journey to pull you out of a hole.  : )    When all is said and done, if even just one reader says they got something out of it, this will all be worth it.

Hope you are having a peaceful week!  Love!

Currently listening to:

Lucina Williams “Changed the Locks”

My Chemical Romance “I Don’t Love You”

Miley Cyrus “Adore You”

Journey “Send Her My Love”

Velvet Revolver “Fall to Pieces”

 

 

A Little Writing Music…

I am working on the novel today.  So many new ideas!  The creative part of my brain is moving faster than I can type.

In the meantime, these are just a few of the songs on my playlist today as I try to figure this all out.  Enjoy your Saturday!

Currently Listening To:

ZZ Ward “Last Love Song” “All these notes and all these words are all that’s left in me. Bend these pages, count my woes.  One last song to set me free.”

Steve Moakler “Suitcase”  “Everybody wants to chase the rainbow and find a pot of gold, hoping for a suitcase full of money, but all I want is you, honey.”

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers “Walls”  “Some things are over. Some things go on. Part of me you carry. Part of me is gone.”

Everclear “Learning How To Smile”  “Yes I know there ain’t no finish line. I know this never ends but I’m just learning how to fall and climb back up again.”

Jason Aldean “Night Train”   “Got a moon and a billion stars, sound of steel and old boxcars.  The thought of you is driving me insane…”

 

For Your Listening Pleasure…

Last 5 songs on shuffle…

Ray Lamontagne “Shelter”  “Has anybody ever made such a fool out of you?”

Ryan Adams “Come Pick Me Up”  “I wish you’d make up my bed so I could make up my mind.”

Holly Williams “The Highway”  “I am wishing for the life that I used to live, giving everything that I had to give.”

Sam Hunt “Make You Miss Me” (Acoustic Version)  “I ain’t gonna be that easy to leave.”

Chris Stapleton “Fire Away”  “Your love might be my damnation, but I’ll cry to my grave.”

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Say Something

“Say Something” by A Great Big World with Christina Aguilera

 

“You know you want to forgive me.  You know you can, babe.”

He brushed his hand across her cheek, and she could smell the combination of cigarettes and cologne.  She remembered a time when his aroma appealed to her.  Now it just caused her to  wrinkle her nose up to keep from sneezing.

“Forgive me, please,” he begged her.  “Do it for us.”

She raised her eyes to meet his.  She suddenly needed to see him – to get a really good look at this man standing before her now.  Was he the same person she once adored?  Would have followed anywhere?  Would have given up her entire world for?

“I was unhappy with my life.  There were things I needed then that I couldn’t communicate…”

She leaned forward slightly, anxiously hanging on his every word, waiting to hear something – anything – that would set off the signals in her heart that would let her know they would be okay now.  She waited for the warm rush to flow through, making her lightheaded and giddy again, like she was in the days when she felt loved by him.  Just two words would get that for her.  Just two words.

“…and I guess I needed time to experience life and see what was out there for me.  But now, I’m much more grounded and I’ve matured.  I’ve changed, baby.  Please tell me you believe me.  I’m so much better now than I was back then.”

She waited.  But those words she so eagerly anticipated never came.  As she turned and walked towards the door he reached for her one last time.

“Tell me, please.  Tell me what it is you need from me.  What do I have to do to make this right again?” he begged.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” she shook her head before walking out.  “I’m sorry.”