“You know when you know.”
My mom told me that once when I asked her how you can tell if the guy you are dating is “the one”. At the time, I was a foolish, lovesick 19-year-old, smitten by just one in what would end up being a very long line of “Mr. Rights” (Mr. Right Now, perhaps?). Those days I was self-absorbed and clueless, with my head in the clouds, enamored more by the idea of falling in love than in actually loving someone other than myself. I had no clue what it meant to truly give your heart to someone, nor did I fully grasp my own self-worth and what I deserved in return.
Now here I am, 50-ish, divorced, with a long, rocky road of past relationships behind me. There is no “special guy” in my sites right now, nor am I looking for one. Am I giving up on men? Far from it. Men intrigue me. I raised two of my own. I work with all men. Some of my best friends are men! I love everything about them, love spending time with them, love meeting new men and learning what makes them tick. I just love men! But I am just not in a spot right now where I feel like I want to actively search for someone just for the sake of entering into a relationship. Maybe that sounds jaded…I really am trying not to be. But I have been through the mill, have had my share of heartbreaks. I’ve been with some amazing guys who I spent years and years with, only to find out they were liars and cheaters after investing all of my time – and my heart. That kind of investment you don’t get a return on, sadly. So, needless to say, I am holding on tightly to my “bank account” these days.
My mom still holds out hope that someday I will find “the one”. Her dream is for me to meet a nice Jewish doctor (we aren’t Jewish, so don’t ask me why she wants this for me, but it’s her dream, so like a good daughter, I don’t question). I’d be just as content curling up with a good book and a box of Double Stuff Oreos.
You know when you know!
Peace, Love and Oreos!!!! ❤
Currently Listening To:
Rufus & Chaka Khan “Sweet Thing”
…my favorite “F” word!
Happy Weekend, everyone. Hope you all had a great week!
I am relaxing in my favorite chair, listening to some tunes and jotting down some notes for the novel. Looking forward to being outside this weekend in the fresh air (the weatherman is calling for a lot less humidity for a change!) and getting some much-needed yard work done.
Since I am feeling better, and the weather is going to be nicer, I decided that it was a good time to work out back a bit while I have the energy. Maybe when I am done I’ll even take the laptop outside and get a few chapters done, who knows!
I hope you all enjoy your weekend. Do what makes you happy!
Peace and love!
Currently listening to:
Jason Aldean Fly Over States
Tom Petty with Stevie Nicks Insider
The Rolling Stones Happy
I’m working on a particularly heart-wrenching scene at the moment. It’s an argument between two people who are coming to the end of their relationship, and even though neither of them wants to admit out loud it’s the end, they know. This is a tough one for me to write because this particular moment – and the dialogue – is semi-autobiographical. The scene is thick with stinging discomfort and deep-rooted memories of a time I’d rather not stir up in my memory banks. But…I’m a writer! If I have to dig up some raw emotions in order to communicate my story, so be it.
As always, I’ve got my music blasting in order to keep my sanity in check and my depression at bay. Nothing like a little Journey to pull you out of a hole. : ) When all is said and done, if even just one reader says they got something out of it, this will all be worth it.
Hope you are having a peaceful week! Love!
Currently listening to:
Lucina Williams “Changed the Locks”
My Chemical Romance “I Don’t Love You”
Miley Cyrus “Adore You”
Journey “Send Her My Love”
Velvet Revolver “Fall to Pieces”
I am working on the novel today. So many new ideas! The creative part of my brain is moving faster than I can type.
In the meantime, these are just a few of the songs on my playlist today as I try to figure this all out. Enjoy your Saturday!
Currently Listening To:
ZZ Ward “Last Love Song” “All these notes and all these words are all that’s left in me. Bend these pages, count my woes. One last song to set me free.”
Steve Moakler “Suitcase” “Everybody wants to chase the rainbow and find a pot of gold, hoping for a suitcase full of money, but all I want is you, honey.”
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers “Walls” “Some things are over. Some things go on. Part of me you carry. Part of me is gone.”
Everclear “Learning How To Smile” “Yes I know there ain’t no finish line. I know this never ends but I’m just learning how to fall and climb back up again.”
Jason Aldean “Night Train” “Got a moon and a billion stars, sound of steel and old boxcars. The thought of you is driving me insane…”
“If you think that I could be forgiven, I wish you would…” – Counting Crows
Confessions: I have only written half of Chapter 25 of Canaan’s Promise. I am still editing the novel I have been working on for the past three years (which is currently being called “Finally”, but I have a feeling that may change soon). And…as if I did not have enough on my writing to-do list, I am now playing around with an idea for a new short story, which may or may not be published on Wattpad, depending on how things go.
So I apologize for not blogging more often, and for not updating Canaan’s Promise in a more timely fashion. The new idea came to me out of the blue, and it’s not like anything I have ever written about in the past, so it has my full attention at the moment. My new writing endeavor is something akin to that really cute, cool older boy in high school who you think is way out of your league, but then he winks at you in the hallway one day and leaves you thinking, “Well, maybe…”.
I have no business putting my time and energy into any new projects, given my busy work schedule and the two projects I have already committed myself to. However, the ideas swimming through my brain are too persuasive to ignore. The only issues I have with the new project (Notice how I am already referring to it as a “project”.) is that a good part of the story is autobiographical, which for me is extremely difficult to write honestly about. I need to be honest because it’s a better narrative than anything I can make up in my head. But parts of it are painful and somewhat embarrassing to revisit – and to see it in print – so I find myself changing small scenes here and there. Ultimately, though, what I keep coming back to is that the truth is so much more powerful than anything I could create.
I have been keeping up with the recent activity on Canaan’s Promise, though, and I do appreciate your wonderful comments and votes! For everyone who has been reading and responding, and adding the story to their lists, please know I SO appreciate your time and I will be updating very soon! You guys are the best!
Currently Listening To:
“A Long December” – Counting Crows
Last 5 songs on shuffle…
Ray Lamontagne “Shelter” “Has anybody ever made such a fool out of you?”
Ryan Adams “Come Pick Me Up” “I wish you’d make up my bed so I could make up my mind.”
Holly Williams “The Highway” “I am wishing for the life that I used to live, giving everything that I had to give.”
Sam Hunt “Make You Miss Me” (Acoustic Version) “I ain’t gonna be that easy to leave.”
Chris Stapleton “Fire Away” “Your love might be my damnation, but I’ll cry to my grave.”
Today was a very hectic day at my “real job” (aka the one that earns me money…for now), and then I raced back home to get some ideas on paper before they flew out of my brain and were forever lost. I was absorbed in my own little world that I completely forgot what day it was until I looked at my phone and saw all the sappy (but still sweet) Facebook posts from my friends.
I am spending this romantic night eating a Big Mac and watching my dog growl through the window at my neighbor’s cat. Don’t be jealous. I am also working on Chapter 23 of “Canaan’s Promise” and hope to have it up tonight or tomorrow at the latest.
Hope you enjoy your evening, whether you are flying solo or spending it with someone special!
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO:
“Love Stinks” by J. Geils Band