I’m working on a particularly heart-wrenching scene at the moment. It’s an argument between two people who are coming to the end of their relationship, and even though neither of them wants to admit out loud it’s the end, they know. This is a tough one for me to write because this particular moment – and the dialogue – is semi-autobiographical. The scene is thick with stinging discomfort and deep-rooted memories of a time I’d rather not stir up in my memory banks. But…I’m a writer! If I have to dig up some raw emotions in order to communicate my story, so be it.
As always, I’ve got my music blasting in order to keep my sanity in check and my depression at bay. Nothing like a little Journey to pull you out of a hole. : ) When all is said and done, if even just one reader says they got something out of it, this will all be worth it.
Hope you are having a peaceful week! Love!
Currently listening to:
Lucina Williams “Changed the Locks”
My Chemical Romance “I Don’t Love You”
Miley Cyrus “Adore You”
Journey “Send Her My Love”
Velvet Revolver “Fall to Pieces”
I was dealing with some family stuff and then I came down with a stomach virus that knocked me out for almost a week. It never seems to end! So my writing had been put on hold for a little while until I could get back on my feet. However, I have almost completed the latest chapter of “Canaan’s Promise” and will be posting it to Wattpad by the end of the week, barring any major catastrophes which always seem to come my way lately.
I don’t like not writing (is that even a correct sentence?). It makes me cranky!
Thanks for hanging in! Hope you all have a beautiful week! Peace!
Currently listening to… Sonder – “Too Fast”
Things that fascinate me (in no particular order)…
- Dolphins. So smart. So beautiful. When you look into their eyes, it’s like they hold the key to the universe.
- Sitting on the beach and looking out over the seemingly endless ocean. I know that land begins eventually, but the expanse of the ocean blows my mind.
- The capability of one single person to either ruin or enlighten your day. It’s so damn easy.
- Motorcycle gangs and the whole outlaw culture that goes with it. I just saw a special with George Christie of Hells Angels and it was fascinating. They’ve created their own biker society.
- The ability some people have to know what makes a person tick. I have a friend who is so good at reading people. She can either vouch for their sincerity or call bullshit on them within 5 minutes of meeting them, and she is always 100% correct in the end. I wish I had that gift.
- Patience, and anyone who carries it. Something I am severely lacking in.
- Good conversationalists. They are far and few between these days. Most people just like to hear themselves talk…they don’t care what the other person is saying.
- The innocence of young children.
- Those who can put their faith in a higher being and be absolutely sure about it.
- The stars in the night sky. I try to stop every night and look at them. I’m in awe whenever I do.
Currently Listening To… Sonder “Too Fast”
I have been an envious little bitch these past few days. There. I said it. It’s true!
How do people find time to write? I am really at a loss, especially lately. Between work and my family and the million other “responsibilities” I have, there has been ZERO time for writing.
And it’s beginning to drag me down.
When I don’t have time to create, I get depressed. I get moody and anxious. I get pissed off and bitch, even. I need that outlet. I crave it. And when I don’t have time to do it, well…let’s just say I am not a nice person.
I think I have to take drastic measures. This weekend, that’s it – I am putting my foot down. No favors for anyone. I am not stopping by to bring in your mail, water your flowers or feed your cat. I can’t show you how to set up your Twitter account or meet your new boyfriend.
I won’t be answering my phone this weekend, so don’t even bother.
I’ll be busy writing.
I am working on the novel today. So many new ideas! The creative part of my brain is moving faster than I can type.
In the meantime, these are just a few of the songs on my playlist today as I try to figure this all out. Enjoy your Saturday!
Currently Listening To:
ZZ Ward “Last Love Song” “All these notes and all these words are all that’s left in me. Bend these pages, count my woes. One last song to set me free.”
Steve Moakler “Suitcase” “Everybody wants to chase the rainbow and find a pot of gold, hoping for a suitcase full of money, but all I want is you, honey.”
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers “Walls” “Some things are over. Some things go on. Part of me you carry. Part of me is gone.”
Everclear “Learning How To Smile” “Yes I know there ain’t no finish line. I know this never ends but I’m just learning how to fall and climb back up again.”
Jason Aldean “Night Train” “Got a moon and a billion stars, sound of steel and old boxcars. The thought of you is driving me insane…”
“If you think that I could be forgiven, I wish you would…” – Counting Crows
Confessions: I have only written half of Chapter 25 of Canaan’s Promise. I am still editing the novel I have been working on for the past three years (which is currently being called “Finally”, but I have a feeling that may change soon). And…as if I did not have enough on my writing to-do list, I am now playing around with an idea for a new short story, which may or may not be published on Wattpad, depending on how things go.
So I apologize for not blogging more often, and for not updating Canaan’s Promise in a more timely fashion. The new idea came to me out of the blue, and it’s not like anything I have ever written about in the past, so it has my full attention at the moment. My new writing endeavor is something akin to that really cute, cool older boy in high school who you think is way out of your league, but then he winks at you in the hallway one day and leaves you thinking, “Well, maybe…”.
I have no business putting my time and energy into any new projects, given my busy work schedule and the two projects I have already committed myself to. However, the ideas swimming through my brain are too persuasive to ignore. The only issues I have with the new project (Notice how I am already referring to it as a “project”.) is that a good part of the story is autobiographical, which for me is extremely difficult to write honestly about. I need to be honest because it’s a better narrative than anything I can make up in my head. But parts of it are painful and somewhat embarrassing to revisit – and to see it in print – so I find myself changing small scenes here and there. Ultimately, though, what I keep coming back to is that the truth is so much more powerful than anything I could create.
I have been keeping up with the recent activity on Canaan’s Promise, though, and I do appreciate your wonderful comments and votes! For everyone who has been reading and responding, and adding the story to their lists, please know I SO appreciate your time and I will be updating very soon! You guys are the best!
Currently Listening To:
“A Long December” – Counting Crows