I Know I Need to Kill Him, But…

This time last year I was struggling with the idea of killing off one of the main characters in the book I am writing.  Way back in the early planning stages, I knew this character would die.  He had to.  A huge chunk of the storyline could not happen if he didn’t meet his Maker.

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But somewhere between the initial creation of this character and my molding him into a perfectly flawed but still loveable goon, the worst happened.

I fell in love.

Yup.  You read that right.

It happens a lot to me.  One minute I am frantically writing down character traits, giving birth to personalities and creating backstories.  The next minute I am looking at this wondrous human being I have produced out  of thin air and thinking “How you doin’?” (Heavy “Friends” tv show reference, if you don’t get that last line.)

 

I love the underdog, the loser, the bad boy.  I will go to the pound and fall head over heels for the mangiest mutt they have.  I will root for the team that has no chance in hell of ever winning a championship.  Because I know, no matter how bleak it may seem, there’s a story there that will melt your heart and lift your spirits.  A down-on-his-luck rogue who will make you think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.  A puppy that was abused by its last family but now showers you with unconditional love.  A hockey team full of misfits that have more heart and perseverance than any other team out there.

 

 

These are my people.  These are the characters who speak to me when I sit at my desk with my pen and notebook.  I give them life.  I give them a voice.  They give me hope.  I love these characters the best.  They make me want to share their stories.

So this time last year, I was sick with worry.  I knew I had to kill this amazing man who I felt such a connection to but I  just couldn’t bring myself to do it.  Yes, his life was filled with one bad decision after another.  Morality was not in his vocabulary.  He had seen and done some unspeakable things.  But in his defense, I recognized that all of this could be attributed to a terrible childhood.  And he tried to do the right thing.  Sometimes.  And he loved the heroine of my story.  My God, they were so perfect together and <sigh> those romantic things he said to her when no one was around…and if you only knew how truly sweet and loving this tough guy could be when he wanted to and…

I kept him alive for just a little longer than I initially planned.  But now the time has come.  He has come to the edge of the cliff and I need to shove him off.  There is no turning back.  I tell myself “Just do it fast.  It won’t hurt all that much and you’ll feel relieved once it’s finally over with and you can finally move on.”  Once I kill him off, I can take the story to where I originally intended it to go.  As long as he remains alive, none of what I planned out makes any sense and the entire project is going to take even longer than it already has.  Which, at the moment, feels like forever.

Time to rip off that band-aid.  Wish me luck!

Love and Peace!

Currently Listening To:

Halsey and G Easy – Him and I

Taylor Swift – New Year’s Day

Chris Stapleton – Nothing Compares to You

 

 

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The One

“You know when you know.”

My mom told me that once when I asked her how you can tell if the guy you are dating is “the one”.  At the time, I was a foolish, lovesick 19-year-old, smitten by just one in what would end up being a very long line of “Mr. Rights” (Mr. Right Now, perhaps?).  Those days I was self-absorbed and clueless, with my head in the clouds, enamored more by the idea of falling in love than in actually loving someone other than myself.  I had no clue what it meant to truly give your heart to someone, nor did I fully grasp my own self-worth and what I deserved in return.4409235798_bca675126c_b

Now here I am, 50-ish, divorced, with a long, rocky road of past relationships behind me.  There is no “special guy” in my sites right now, nor am I looking for one.  Am I giving up on men?  Far from it.  Men intrigue me.  I raised two of my own.  I work with all men.  Some of my best friends are men!  I love everything about them, love spending time with them, love meeting new men and learning what makes them tick.  I just love men!  But I am just not in a spot right now where I feel like I want to actively search for someone just for the sake of entering into a relationship.  Maybe that sounds jaded…I really am trying not to be.  But I have been through the mill, have had my share of heartbreaks.  I’ve been with some amazing guys who I spent years and years with, only to find out they were liars and cheaters after investing all of my time – and my heart.  That kind of investment you don’t get a return on, sadly.  So, needless to say, I am holding on tightly to my “bank account” these days.

My mom still holds out hope that someday I will find “the one”.  Her dream is for me to meet a nice Jewish doctor (we aren’t Jewish, so don’t ask me why she wants this for me, but it’s her dream, so like a good daughter, I don’t question).  I’d be just as content curling up with a good book and a box of Double Stuff Oreos.

You know when you know!

Peace, Love and Oreos!!!! ❤

Currently Listening To:

Rufus & Chaka Khan “Sweet Thing”

Location, location, location

The more I write, the more I find how important where I do my writing really is.

Normally, I sit down in the comfy recliner in my bedroom.  The chair is placed in

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a well-lit corner of my room, which is in a quiet spot located in the back of my home.  The dog always curls up at my feet when I sit down, and I could go for hours without anyone interrupting me once I begin.  It’s the perfect spot to let my creativity flow.

Sometimes, though, I  need a change of pace.  On occasion, I will take a sand chair and a notebook to the beach (early morning is my favorite time of day there  – no sound except for the roar of the surf).  If I am home alone, I have also gotten a good amount of writing done on the couch in my living room.  It’s a cheery spot with a big bay window to let in a lot of light and fresh air.

Places I do not like to write:  my backyard.  Too many bugs and the next door neighbor is nosey as hell.  I never seem to get much accomplished when I am out back.  I spend more time swatting mosqitoes and running away from bees than I am writing.  And my neighbor almost always peers his head over the fence as soon as my butt hits the chair, greeting me with a “Watcha writing?”.  Ugh.

Where are your favorite spots to write?  What works/does’t work for you?

Currently listening to:

Rise Against “Swing Life Away”

Pearl Jam “Yellow Ledbetter”

Elle King “I Told You I Was Mean”

Friday…

…my favorite “F” word!

Happy Weekend, everyone.  Hope you all had a great week!

I am relaxing in my favorite chair, listening to some tunes and jotting down some notes for the novel.  Looking forward to being outside this weekend in the fresh air (the weatherman is calling for a lot less humidity for a change!) and getting some much-needed yard work done.

Since I am feeling better, and the weather is going to be nicer, I decided that it was a good time to work out back a bit while I have the energy.  Maybe when I am done I’ll even take the laptop outside and get a few chapters done, who knows!

I hope you all enjoy your weekend.  Do what makes you happy!

Peace and love!

Currently listening to:

Jason Aldean Fly Over States

Tom Petty with Stevie Nicks Insider

The Rolling Stones Happy

Balance

So after running myself ragged between work, home life, committing myself to a million different writing projects at once, and everything in between…something gave.  I found myself severely run down and ill.  Again.

I knew I was pushing myself, yet I’d stay up late every night, trying to finisBalanceh a chapter, or furiously jotting down a new idea.  Sometimes I’d start to do research on a locale for a new story idea after dinner, and then next thing I knew it was 1 AM!  Something had to give, and that something, unfortunately, was me.

So I decided to take the summer off from my adding any new chapters of Canaan’s Promise.  I’m not anywhere near finished with Canaan and Riley’s saga.  Far from it.  I have a draft of the next chapter and outlines of a few more that follow.  But I have made the decision to just put that project on the backburner for the summer.  Same go

es with any of the fanfic I was dabbling in, as well as the two other unnamed projects I was writing.

I will devote this summer to my novel, which is in the editing stages (yet again, after a change in the storyline for one of the characters).  Hopefully, if all goes well, I will be done with it and have it up on Amazon September-ish.

 

Summer is my busy season at my job.  When there is overtime being offered, I’d be a fool to turn that down.  Such is the life of a poor, struggling writer!  I could see I would just be spreading myself out too thin if I continued at the pace I was working at.  Someday, hopefully, I can cut back on my real job instead of my writing job when time becomes scarce.

Until then, Canaan’s Promise is on temporary hiatus until the Fall.  I’ll still be blogging here, though, while I work on the novel.

Happy Summer!  Peace and love!

A Little Pick Me Up

I’m working on a particularly heart-wrenching scene at the moment.  It’s an argument between two people who are coming to the end of their relationship, and even though neither of them wants to admit out loud it’s the end, they know.  This is a tough one for me to write because this particular moment – and the dialogue – is semi-autobiographical.  The scene is thick with stinging discomfort and deep-rooted memories of a time I’d rather not stir up in my memory banks.  But…I’m a writer!  If I have to dig up some raw emotions in order to communicate my story, so be it.

As always, I’ve got my music blasting in order to keep my sanity in check and my depression at bay.  Nothing like a little Journey to pull you out of a hole.  : )    When all is said and done, if even just one reader says they got something out of it, this will all be worth it.

Hope you are having a peaceful week!  Love!

Currently listening to:

Lucina Williams “Changed the Locks”

My Chemical Romance “I Don’t Love You”

Miley Cyrus “Adore You”

Journey “Send Her My Love”

Velvet Revolver “Fall to Pieces”

 

 

Loving Your Characters

In the process of my writing over the past few years, I have discovered more and more how much I really, really love developing my characters.  Whether I mention it in my work or not, I create a background story for each of them – examine their childhood, where they came from, what makes them tick.  This is the BEST part of writing for me.  I enjoy this part of the process so much!

I have found that I love it so much, that I often create additional characters, ones that I am not currently needing, and keep them saves in files on my laptop.  These “extras” often have long, intricate back stories loaded with personality flaws, fears, goals, and whatever else they need to make them interesting and to keep me satisfied.  I probably have way more characters than one author will ever need in a lifetime!  Ironically enough, I have yet to use any of these extra characters in any of my current works, most likely because I just keep coming up with new ones (sometimes one or two a week) for the work I am focused on at the moment.

I finally put up Chapter 26 for Canaan’s Promise, and am halfway through 27 at the moment.  Things are about to take a crazy turn soon with Riley  – stay tuned!  I am editing my novel still…this is neverending, but I nevertheless am hoping for a December 2017 release date.  The title has definitely changed, but I am not 100% ready to release that as of yet.  When we get a little closer I will post the cover pic here.  I also have some “just for fun” things I am writing – another Wattpad story which will be up in a month or two (going to try and post all of it at once, or at least half, instead of chapter y chapter), and some fanfiction – my guilty pleasure- which I write in my “down time” to keep me on my toes.

Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!  Happy Mother’s Day to all of the amazing mommies out there!  ❤

Currently Listening To:

Kid Cudi “Pursuit of Happiness”

Bruce Springsteen “Tougher Than the Rest”

Chris Stapleton “Tennessee Whiskey”