Just an Update

I was dealing with some family stuff and then I came down with a stomach virus that knocked me out for almost a week.  It never seems to end!  So my writing had been put on hold for a little while until I could get back on my feet.  However, I have almost completed the latest chapter of “Canaan’s Promise” and will be posting it to Wattpad by the end of the week, barring any major catastrophes which always seem to come my way lately.

I don’t like not writing (is that even a correct sentence?).  It makes me cranky!

Thanks for hanging in!  Hope you all have a beautiful week!  Peace!

Currently listening to…  Sonder – “Too Fast”

 

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Now That You Have My Attention…

Things that fascinate me (in no particular order)…

  • Dolphins.  So smart.  So beautiful.  When you look into their eyes, it’s like they hold the key to the universe.
  • Sitting on the beach and looking out over the seemingly endless ocean.  I know that land begins eventually, but the expanse of the ocean blows my mind.
  • The capability of one single person to either ruin or enlighten your day.  It’s so damn easy.
  • Motorcycle gangs and the whole outlaw culture that goes with it.  I just saw a special with George Christie of Hells Angels and it was fascinating. 0e709f3dc10967a7f75704ceb3669f7c They’ve created their own biker society.
  • The ability some people have to know what makes a person tick.  I have a friend who is so good at reading people.  She can either vouch for their sincerity or call bullshit on them within 5 minutes of meeting them, and she is always 100% correct in the end.  I wish I had that gift.
  • Patience, and anyone who carries it.  Something I am severely lacking in.
  • Good conversationalists.  They are far and few between these days.  Most people just like to hear themselves talk…they don’t care what the other person is saying.
  • The innocence of young children.
  • Those who can put their faith in a higher being and be absolutely sure about it.
  • The stars in the night sky.  I try to stop every night and look at them.  I’m in awe whenever I do.

Currently Listening To…     Sonder “Too Fast”

 

I am jealous…

I have been an envious little bitch these past few days.  There.  I said it.  It’s true!

 

How do people find time to write?  I am really at a loss, especially lately.  Between work and my family and the million other “responsibilities” I have, there has been ZERO time for writing.

And it’s beginning to drag me down.

When I don’t have time to create, I get depressed.  I get moody and anxious.  I get pissed off and bitch, even.  I need that outlet.  I crave it.  And when I don’t have time to do it, well…let’s just say I am not a nice person.

I think I have to take drastic measures.  This weekend, that’s it – I am putting my foot down.  No favors for anyone.  I am not stopping by to bring in your mail, water your flowers or feed your cat.  I can’t show you how to set up your Twitter account or meet your new boyfriend.

I won’t be answering my phone this weekend, so don’t even bother.

I’ll be busy writing.

A Little Music for a Saturday Morning

Coffee?

Check.

Laptop?

Check.

Hairy dog sitting at my feet?

Check, check, check.love-708269_960_720

What more could I need, you ask?  My answer will always be – just a few great songs blasting from my speakers to get my creative juices flowing on this beautiful Saturday morning…

Blink 182 “Down”  Tidal waves they rip right through me. Tears from eyes worn cold and sad. Pick me up now, I need you so bad.

INXS “The One Thing”  You’ve got a dozen men behind you, you’ve got dead flowers on the floor.  You’re too pretty in the daylight, it keeps them coming back for more. 

Bruce Springsteen “Soul Driver”  If the angels are unkind or the season is dark or
if in the end love just falls apart, then here’s to our destruction…

Stevie Nicks “Has Anyone Ever Written Anything For You”  You know I’d rather be alone than be without you.

 

The Hardest Part About Being a Writer

I have been writing for as long as I can remember.  At age 10 I kept a diary.  In my pre-teen and teenage years, I wrote poems and short stories.  Some of the poems were even published in my high school’s literary journals, but only because it was mandated as part of my English grade.

When I became an adult, I continued with the short stories.  Some of them still remain on disks, hidden away in the back of a desk drawer.  Other unseen works are scribbled out in felt tip pen in various notebooks and binders, stuffed in a box in the back of my closet.  Until I discovered Wattpad last year, I never allowed another soul to read what I had written.  The reason I finally succumbed to sharing my work with the world?

Anonymity.

So now you know.  CC Clark is not my real name.  Sorry for the ruse, folks.  It’s nothing personal.  I don’t mind if someone doesn’t appreciate what I write.  I learned a long time ago, I am not everyone’s cup of tea.  And to be honest, I don’t write for others.  I write to quench the burning need to get these words and sentences and pages and stories out of my head and into print.  I don’t feel normal if I am not creating.  I find myself falling into a rut if I don’t take some time during the week to come up with a character, develop and breathe life into it.

I write for me.  And only me.  And when someone takes the time to drop me a line to say “Hey! I really dig your story!” that’s just icing on the cake.  And a little bit like crack.  LOL.  I can’t get enough of that.  But back to me being all private and under the radar…

The reason for the use of the pen name isn’t because I am afraid someone will call me out by my real name and tell me I’m a shitty writer.  Hell, I can do that myself.  The reason I publish my works anonymously is so the people who know me personally – in particular my closanonymouse friends and relatives – aren’t privy to my works.  It would cripple me if I knew someone close to me read my stories.  A bunch of strangers?  No big deal.  But tell me my mom or my best friend or my co-workers are reading my work and I go into the fetal position.  Being discovered like that is way more intimacy than I can deal with.

In some ways, it’s sad because my family and friends would be thrilled to know that I am writing.  I know in my heart that they would be extremely supportive of my work, whether they enjoyed it or not.  And if they didn’t approve of what I had written, they would never say so.  Really there is no good reason for me to keep this all a secret.  I have a great support group who would stand by me.  And if I ever get this novel finished and release it on Amazon as planned, I know they would be proud of me, whether I sold 100,000 copies, or just one.

I don’t know if I will ever overcome this fear of sharing that part of my life with those I love.  So anonymous I will remain.

For now, anyway.

 

A Little Writing Music…

I am working on the novel today.  So many new ideas!  The creative part of my brain is moving faster than I can type.

In the meantime, these are just a few of the songs on my playlist today as I try to figure this all out.  Enjoy your Saturday!

Currently Listening To:

ZZ Ward “Last Love Song” “All these notes and all these words are all that’s left in me. Bend these pages, count my woes.  One last song to set me free.”

Steve Moakler “Suitcase”  “Everybody wants to chase the rainbow and find a pot of gold, hoping for a suitcase full of money, but all I want is you, honey.”

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers “Walls”  “Some things are over. Some things go on. Part of me you carry. Part of me is gone.”

Everclear “Learning How To Smile”  “Yes I know there ain’t no finish line. I know this never ends but I’m just learning how to fall and climb back up again.”

Jason Aldean “Night Train”   “Got a moon and a billion stars, sound of steel and old boxcars.  The thought of you is driving me insane…”

 

It’s All A Lot of Oysters, But No Pearls…

“If you think that I could be forgiven, I wish you would…” – Counting Crows

Confessions:  I have only written half of Chapter 25 of Canaan’s Promise.  I am still editing the novel I have been working on for the past three years (which is currently being called “Finally”, but I have a feeling that may change soon).  And…as if I did not have enough on my writing to-do list, I am now playing around with an idea for a new short story, which may or may not be published on Wattpad, depending on how things go.

So I apologize for not blogging more often, and for not updating Canaan’s Promise in a more timely fashion.  The new idea came to me out of the blue, and it’s not like anything I have ever written about in the past, so it has my full attention at the moment.  My new writing endeavor is something akin to that really cute, cool older boy in high school who you think is way out of your league, but then he winks at you in the hallway one day and leaves you thinking, “Well, maybe…”.

I have no business putting my time and energy into any new projects, given my busy work schedule and the two projects I have already committed myself to.  However, the ideas swimming through my brain are too persuasive to ignore.  The only issues I have with the new project (Notice how I am already referring to it as a “project”.) is that a good part of the story is autobiographical, which for me is extremely difficult to write honestly about.  I need to be honest because it’s a  better narrative than anything I can make up in my head.  But parts of it are painful and somewhat embarrassing to revisit – and to see it in print – so I find myself changing small scenes here and there.  Ultimately, though, what I keep coming back to is that the truth is so much more powerful than anything I could create.

I have been keeping up with the recent activity on Canaan’s Promise, though, and I do appreciate your wonderful comments and votes!  For everyone who has been reading and responding, and adding the story to their lists, please know I SO appreciate your time and I will be updating very soon!  You guys are the best!

Currently Listening To:

“A Long December” – Counting Crows